BIO AND BACKSTORY • for Eli Sebastian Martinez

[madetobebroken]

TRIGGER WARNING: domestic violence and abuse

Eli Sebastian Martinez had an uneventful early life. He was born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, and it was his home until he was 16 when Hurricane Katrina hit and devastated his home town. His father was a chef who own his own very successful restaurant and his mother a jewellery designer who owned her own small boutique jewellery store that was a hit with the New Orleans tourists due to the unique style of her designs that complimented Louisiana charm. The Martinez family had been well-off for generations, with a very loyal family pride. Eli's grandparents, his father's mom and dad, lived with them in their large home, and being very close to them, he loved having them around. It was his mother that come from a less privileged background, with her and her brother being dragged from pillar to post when their father was in and out of prison and their mother trying to make ends meet. Where her brother followed in the footsteps of their deadbeat father, fathered a few children, turned to crime and ended up in prison, Eli's mother was determined to make something of herself and met his father in college.

As a tradition in their family, Eli's grandparents paid for his schooling and because Eli had an affinity with art, they selected and all-boys boarding school in New Hampshire, Luxton Academy. It was there, on his first day as a Freshman at the school, that he met Jonathan Maxwell, who would be not only his room mate, but also go on to be his best friend. They were inseparable and back then, Eli was a happy, bright, and sociable kid. He and Jonathan complimented each other and their friendship was firmed pretty early on. When Eli fell sick at a school dance in their junior year and was hospitalised, leading to being diagnosed with Type I Diabetes (that ran in his family on his father's side), Jonathan never left his side. It was shortly after that when Hurricane Katrina hit and Eli lost both his grandparents, leaving his parents to pick up the pieces and move on from New Orleans to Providence to be closer to Eli.

Life after high school should have been bright for Eli. He had always been so inspired and creative, wanting to see the world and absorb everything it had to offer him. He was accepted at Brown University in Providence where he studied his Bachelor of Visual Art and set on the path of doing his PhD in Spanish Art. He scored a job as a fashion model, being told by a Providence born and bred fashion designer that he had the 'perfect look' for his designs and it turned out it was an inspiring job that Eli thrived on. For those years in the wake of high school, Eli worked his ass off and eventually graduated college but after meeting an attorney who was fresh out of law school at a party one night whom be started to date, his life took a twist he could never have anticipated.

But since high school, life had never really been happy for Eli. He existed and went through the motions, but never seemed to find his footing on a content personal life. During junior year at Luxton, Eli realised that his sexuality was far from straight and not only that, but he had feelings for his best friend. He could never tell him, though, and by the time they left Luxton, he had never told Jonathan his true feelings. Eli had vowed he would tell Jonathan before they graduated high school, but it was on the eve of graduation when he went to Jonathan to tell him that he found Jonathan kissing the sister of one of their friends and it led to an explosive argument between the friends. They graduated and left high school, never rectifying things from their argument. When Eli left Luxton for college, he just lost touch with all his high school friends when he moved to Providence and he never quite got over his feelings for Jonathan . The what-ifs and missed opportunities plagued him and he hated himself for not coming out in school. But he figured it was all done with and he had to live with his choices.

The awful twist came in the wake of starting the relationship with the lawyer, Lionel. It was his first committed same-sex relationship and in the early days, it was nice. Eli really thought he had been happy. In fact, six months into the relationship, Lionel proposed and Eli accepted. They went to New York to get married, it was a beautiful ceremony, but deep down, Eli had the niggle of guilt that he still had feelings for Jonathan and missed him ever since their fight. Once they were married, it was like the charming, attentive schmoozer that Lionel was changed overnight. He started to control more and more of Eli's life, telling him he didn't have to do his PhD because Lionel would take care of them financially, and he began to get nastily jealous of Eli's modelling, going into jealous rages over other people looking at his husband. Soon after, he started to become abusive and forced Eli to withdraw from all his family and friends, controlling every part of his life, beating him, psychologically abusing him, and forcing sex onto him, becoming violent if Eli didn't want to. He demanded Eli quit his modelling job and start covering up so no one could ogling him, stating "They've seen enough of you to fucking last them a lifetime of jerking off." Eli took a desk job in a call centre, and it shut even more of his light out.

When it was all happening, Eli came to just sort of function on auto-pilot. He went to work, he socialised. On the face of it, they were the average married couple, and everyone believed they were. Until it started getting bad. Friends and family of Lionel bought the notion of Eli being the world's most accident prone klutz in the history of forever. "That's just Eli, running into doors again." "Bruises on your face, Eli? You really need to get a place without stairs." "Burns on the hands? Oh yeah, just fell on the stove... three times." Once, Lionel even laced Eli's food with sugar so he went into a diabetic coma so he could get time off work. Then friends or workmates would start questioning the bruises, and Eli would feed them lines so they didn't pry. Then his family got worried, and his mom started pushing more and more for him to go home to them more often, which pissed Lionel off even more. That was when he tried to start cutting Eli off from his family and friends, and wouldn't let him see them unless he was present. He would answer all the phone calls, Eli was only allowed a cell for work. And even then, Lionel screened his calls. Eli had to take so much sick leave because Lionel would hit him so bad he couldn't get up some days. That was about the last month or so before Lionel's death. He stopped having sex with Eli, he was telling him he disgusted him. Then, that awful night, he tried to force Eli into it, hurting him the whole time which forced Eli to snap.

Eli lost the ability to ask for help, lost the ability to want his family. The terror with his marriage had his husband making him feel like he was too stupid and useless, didn't deserve help. If he couldn't handle doing things alone, he deserved to be hit for it. He still remembered one time when he was ill with diabetes and his husband demanded dinner be made for him when he got home because Eli had been "Lying around the house all day on his fat lazy ass" and Lionel had been slaving his guts out to pay for it. Eli tried to make the dinner, but he had been so weak that he screwed up. When he asked Lionel to help him fix it when he got in, he ended up a bruised and bloodied mess on the kitchen floor while Lionel stormed out to get drunk with his friends.

Eli's self-esteem plummeted. He lost himself, he submitted to try to avoid being beaten, but there seemed to always be something he did that triggered Lionel's rage. To make it worse, deep down, Eli knew he was still in love with Jonathan. He had gone away and tried to switch it off, and for a long time, he thought he actually succeeded. But he hadn't. Not really. There was always something that made him think about Jonathan, and there were so many nights he lie there unable to sleep thinking about where Jonathan was or what would have happened if he told him the truth. He began to think that maybe he was being punished because he could never love his husband completely. And some days it felt like he just knew Eli didn't love him and that was why he hurt him. Eli's mind was so psychologically distressed that he started to think he deserved it because he never loved Lionel completely, because there was always some one else deep down. He thought he was a terrible husband and deserved everything he got. In the wake of Lionel's death, he truly believed they should lock him in jail and throw away the key.

It went on for countless months with Eli unsure of how to get out of the trap, and then it all exploded one night where the guy took things just that little bit too far and Eli retaliated. The few weeks prior, things had gotten worse and worse. Lionel was threatening to kill Eli for being a useless husband, accusing him of cheating on him, sleeping around with everyone who looked at his modelling pictures. He accused Eli of being weak and a waste of space, but that was just the tip of the iceberg of the things he would say when he was in a rage. Eli didn't know why he put up with it but felt trapped, thinking if he tried to get out and get a divorce, Lionel would kill him. That night, it was worse than it had ever been. Lionel was drunk, and he was trying to force himself onto Eli. He was hitting him and it felt like he wouldn't stop. Then he pushed Eli up against a bookcase with his hand over his mouth so he wouldn't scream. That was when he showed Eli that he had one of the steak knives from the kitchen in his hand, smiling at him as he taunted him. Eli snapped, and to this day, can hardly even remember it. He reached behind him and grabbed a statue from the bookcase and hit him in the head with it. It was a hard blow, Eli not realising his own strength in his terror, and he watched as his husband just went down. He didn't even survive the trip to the hospital and was declared DOA.

Eli was in a bad way himself from the beating. He was transported in another ambulance to the hospital. He had broken ribs, concussion, broken wrist and fingers that had been so swollen they had to cut his wedding ring off him. He was questioned by police and charged with manslaughter, but made it out on bail where he went to live with his parents to await the trial, which was a living nightmare. The day that members of Lionel's family were giving character statements about he was a good and decent boy and couldn't hurt a fly that was the worst. How Eli must have given him reasons to be frustrated time and time again. One of them even blatantly suggested Eli had been cheating on Lionel but luckily his attorney yelled a firm objection as to hearsay. At the least judge had uphleld that one.

It was an horrific ordeal for him, and the stressed caused his diabetes to exacerbate and he passed out on the stand, ending up in intensive care in a diabetic coma, delaying the trial. Eventually, he faced the jury's verdict, and on a self-defence plea with his legal team arguing with the Battered Person Defence, he was not only cleared of all charges, but he went on to be awarded his husband's full estate, including their marital home, all their belongings, and the sports car.

As a result of the domestic violence, Eli can't have children anymore, something he had always hoped for once he was older and settled down. During one of the many times his husband was was drunk and hitting him, Eli lost his balance and fell on the floor. Lionel went from punching to kicking and kicked him directly in the groin. Eli had been in so much pain, he literally threw up from it. He caused him enough damage internally to render it impossible for Eli to conceive anymore. All he had wanted was to be happy, be in love, try to forget Jonathan and move on with his life. Instead, he had been in living hell and made to believe it was his fault and he deserved it.

It has now only been eight short weeks since all legalities were settled, and Eli had plans come to New York City to stay with his cousin, Emilio. Emilio's estranged deadbeat father is the brother of Eli's mother, but just as Eli was planning to come to New York for a fresh start, the awful news came that his cousin was in a terrible car crash. Knowing Eli's painful and terrifying ordeal, it was Emilio's mother, along with the mother of his siblings, Destina and Jax who coaxed him to come anyway, promising Eli's parents they would take good care of him, he was family after all. He has come to New York for a clean sweep on his life, to get therapy with an intensive Domestic Violence victims' program, and a psychologist who specialised in Battered Person Syndrome.

He is barely even a shadow of his former self. He's quiet, subdued, often withdrawn. He enjoys talking to people, meeting people, but rarely volunteers information about himself. He isn't completely ruined that he can't recognise that he needes to accept help to be able to fix things. It was just hard after he had lived so long in a self-preserving situation. He doesn't know how to be a normal guy anymore. Did he have to actually learn that all over again? Would he ever be what people classified as normal or would the trauma always plague him now?

He hasn't touched his art since he met Lionel and he has no idea where he is supposed to be headed now. He told Destina upon arriving in New York, "He expected me to love him and want to be intimate with him as thanks for stopping when I begged him to. After that, you stop seeing the beauty in the world. When the simple nature of making love to someone is gone, it's... hard to keep loving yourself, or loving anything you do. When everything becomes dark, you stop looking for the light. I don't want to feel like everyone is watching me and waiting for me to have some sort of psychotic breakdown. That's how I feel right now. It's like no one understands that I'm not mental. I'm not. I'm still me. I've just... fuck... I've have the living shit beaten out of me repeatedly. I've been slammed into walls, pushed down stairs, had booze bottles smashed on me, my hands burned when he hated my cooking. Maybe I do have mental moments, but when you have to try and survive stuff like that every day, and go for ages wondering if it will be your last day on earth because it might be the one he finally snaps and puts a knife through your chest? It's a little hard to not sometimes freak out a little."

He is ready to take life head-on again. But he is just taking each day as it comes, keeping his head up on the good days, and hiding away alone on his bad when the world feels too hard to face. It has come far enough from the ordeal that he has a glimmer of hope that he can get better, but he hasn't been able to face going back to his home to sell everything of his old life off and he has convinced himself he'll be alone forever when no one will be able to cope with the baggage he comes with, leading to a heavy sense of loneliness that he can never quite shake. He doesn't know what the long-term results of his trauma will be, and for now, he's just glad he's still alive and lived to tell a tale that he doesn't want to tell anymore at all.